


Of Gods and Outcasts

by JadeDrake



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast), the adventure zone
Genre: Adoption, Ascension, Depression, Gen, Grief, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Panic Attack, Parental Taako Taaco, Protective Taako, Spoilers for the New Orleans live show, Taako having split memories, Taako is Depressed, Taako the Outcast, Temporary Character Death, but it's very temporary, godhood, revival
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-01-13 02:17:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18459419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadeDrake/pseuds/JadeDrake
Summary: Taako has more than one set of memories. One from his life with Lup, having her at his back, and another form a life spent alone in a cruel world. Post-Hunger, Taako struggles to cope, but finds a purpose."He was an outcast, and he had been alone.But there was no way in hell Taako was going to let anyone else be."





	1. Prolouge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited on 4/14 to fix some spelling errors.

He may not have been the smartest wizard, but he had plenty of years’ worth of experience under his belt. 

 

Cold nights spent in gutters with no one and nothing to keep him warm. Going far too long without food, or someone casting him a second glance. Avoiding guards due to his branding as a thief, when he honestly needed what he had stolen to live.

 

The world didn’t want him. It tried to pry him open, and take everything good in him, so they could either give it to someone they thought deserved it more, or break it just for some kind of amusement.

 

He learned to keep himself up under lock and key. To never trust  _ anyone _ , because that only gave them opportunities to open him up.

 

He had, foolishly, given Sazed that chance, and what did it get him? Blood on his hands, a caravan burnt to ashes, and the memory of people gasping and dying during what should have been a happy day.

 

He didn’t trust happy days, he didn’t trust people, and he sure as hell didn’t trust the world.

 

After all, you’d have to be an even bigger idiot than he was to be burnt again and again and still reach into open flames.

 

Until he remembered, that is.

 

Lup by his side. They were together, and in a world separate from the one everyone else lived in. With her, he had an ally, an unshakeable trust, and someone he could actually believe in.

 

Most importantly, he was never alone. Not even in his nightmares could he imagine being separated from her.

 

Except when he remembered his life with her, that didn’t mean he forgot the one he lived on his own. She looked at him strangely sometimes, and maybe he got too defensive with the others, but he still had an entire set of memories where every fire they shared was one he had to live through on his own.

 

It was one of the few things they couldn’t share, even after their reunion. 

 

And  _ Istus _ , did it kill him.

 

He hated that she saw a stranger. He hated that he had to bear this burden, and that she couldn’t help him through it because she didn’t understand. How could she? In all her memories, she always had him. 

 

He may have been reckless, and vain, and weak willed at times, but the one thing he did his best at was being a brother.

 

He knew she could see it in her eyes when they passed alleyways in the rain. That habitual look of being ready to dart and hide when she startled him, that even a century of memories suddenly remembered couldn't change. Why? Because in his other memories, he only recalled hiding, and being so very afraid.

 

Kravitz found him awake too many nights, staring blankly at the kitchen island as he just...tried to sort out everything in his head.

 

Neat piles of,  _ Us _ , and  _ Me _ .

 

Life with Lup, and life without.

 

It took her a while to understand why he’d withdraw from everyone. Well, she actually understood that. What she didn’t grasp was why he’d withdraw from her.

 

She was, after all, supposed to be the place he withdrew to.

 

But, she wasn’t anymore, or at least not always. There were still days where she’d hear heavy silence form her stone of farspeech, and find him wrapped in blankets in his own closet with just enough space cleared away for her to fit.

 

There were also the days where Kravitz was the one calling her, asking her if she knew where he had gone on his bad days. She hated that he wasn't in the places she looked. That even if she tried to find him, he had hidden from everyone, including her.

 

She wasn’t supposed to be a part of everyone, she was supposed to be a part of Us.

 

And she wasn’t anymore, was she?

 

Lup knew it, the Seven Birds knew it, hell the B.o.B knew it.

 

But Taako knew it too, and it was  _ killing _ him.

 

He threw himself into his work so hard he drove himself into the ground. Longer and longer nights at the school, Angus’ magic lessons doubling in length, stress cooking deep into the night. Kravitz struggled to get him to rest, but through combined effort they usually managed to get him to take a day off once a week.

 

Then, the havoc that Edward and Lydia brought with their gambit to become gods. Taako had screamed in stress and frustration into his pillow until he was hoarse after, because not once the entire time did he consider to call his sister, his twin.

 

He felt his heart break, and suddenly nothing short of strapping him down could get him to take a day off. Merle, though well intentioned, had tried. It had been a long time since Taako had properly yelled at one of them.

 

His hair’s braid grew rougher and rougher the harder he worked. The bags under his eyes harder to conceal with makeup and magic.

 

The resentment of himself grew further, and he stopped wearing his glamor. 

 

None of them knew how to stop this backslide into insanity, because that was surely where he was headed. 

 

It took him passing out during Angus’ lesson, and him coming to the sound of the boy’s frightened whispers and tears for him to get his shit together.

 

He became a fair bit more open with Angus at the least, and Kravitz.

 

He loved them both, and after they got him to talk to them, he was able to admit that to himself at last.

 

Not aloud, though. 

 

Everyone noticed how he made his work load smaller. He gave Ren more control in his school, and kept the stress cooking at low levels. His lessons with Angus didn’t decrease, however, but only half the time was actually spent teaching the boy how to do magic. The rest was reserved for more mundane things, like shopping and soap operas. 

 

The evenings he spent curled up with his favorite magic boy, several cats, and eventually his undead lover on the coach were some of the best memories of his life.

 

It still ate at him, though. It hurt.

 

No matter how close they were, no one could understand his memories but him. 

 

Taako was alone.

 

His passion was rekindled, however. He put a lot more effort into his work again, though the focus now was on helping others. He finally opened up to Lup about what he had been feeling, and she spent twice as much time in his home. He’d tell her stories of the years of his life he spent without her, and she’d hold him close to remind him that no, he wasn’t alone. Not anymore, and never again.

 

And then, one day, when Taako had casted a glance into an alley in the rain, it was different.

 

They had been having bright laughs and discussions about the finer points of an exotic dish’s preparation when he had stopped still, and turned in. Lup’s heart had broken as she watched the look on his face, following after.

 

They had found a child wrapped in a threadbare blanket, with the same look she’d seen in her brother’s eyes when he was haunted.

 

They had taken them into his home, cleaned them up, and Ren had offered to foster them. 

 

Lup didn’t often see the sheer force of will in his eyes before, until he had taken to wearing it when he worked on his new, secret projects after that day. 

 

But the revelations her brother had given her after he told them to her was enough to make her glow with pride.

 

He was an outcast, and he had been alone.

 

But there was no way in hell Taako was going to let anyone else be.


	2. Strays Old and New

Taako, for once in his life, was  _ gentle _ . He was  _ soft _ . Scared, dead eyes were full of life again because of it.

 

Both his, and hers.

 

The little half elf was watching him, not carefully like she did the first day, but in admiration. When he turned around with his own cup of hot chocolate, whipped cream, and marshmallows, she stopped pretending to watch the heat rise from her own mug. Her partly pointed ears flicked  back in a poor attempt to conceal her excitement.

 

Ren had really done wonders, fostering her. Then again, Taako had put a lot of effort into helping her out whenever he could. His assistant was doing some assistant related things, namely researching potential programs they could do to expand the school. Taako had gotten some itchy fingers in regards to the curriculum  _ stagnating _ . He wasn’t doing enough for his kids.

 

Speaking of... He wasn’t a babysitter, that was insulting to both of them. She was a tough cookie, and he made sure she knew it, but also that she didn’t quite need  _ all _ of her walls anymore. 

 

In the hours near dawn, it was still dark in his kitchen. There was only the light from the kitchen behind him, 

 

She still had bags under her eyes. Out of all the things to adjust to, sleeping somewhere you knew was safe was a tough one. He hummed softly, putting in the small marshmallows first, leaving the opened bag between them. 

 

She watched him reach in to get the little ones one at a time, brushing aside the normal sized ones, and jumbo sized. It took half a second of hesitation before she reached in and started to do the same.

 

“...Whatcha hummin?”

 

“Fantasy Panic! At The Disco..” At the tilt of her head, he scoffed. 

 

“They’re one of the greatest bands of all time where I come from. You guys never heard of these guys, or have you not gotten into the music scene all that much?”

 

“The, uh, second one. Or, definitely the second one, but I don’t know if the first one’s a thing, since the second one definitely is?” Her nose scrunched up in displeasure.

 

“I gotcha, don’t worry. You don’t know if they’re a thing here or not since you’re not into the music scene.” She nodded, and he stopped humming. Then he noticed the way her ears flicked back a centimeter, and her eyes got more focused on the mug in her hand.

 

He paused the marshmallow-ification of his drink and looked her over. She glanced up at him, waiting for him to speak.

 

“You know, kiddo. I think you might like some of the music I remember.  Whaddya like? Rock? Jazz? Country?”

 

“...I-”

 

“Don’t get the difference between genres? That’s fair. Half the time I don’t either. And the other half I honestly just love stirring shit up by getting the genre very wrong on purpose.”

 

She seemed like she couldn’t quite figure him out, and that was fine. “So. Wanna hear a story?”

 

“I’m kinda too old for stories.”

 

“Bullshit. No one’s too old for stories. It’s just that what kind of stories you hear changes. Adults read books with the things in it that they feel like reading. So do kids. But I’m getting off track.”

 

He took a careful sip, and it was still too hot, so he went back to adding marshmallows. She joined him.

 

“I was in the same boat you were, kid. The story’s mine. Of course, you heard it, so you already know. At least, know most of it.”

 

“I don’t remember a lot of it, honestly. It was...too much, I guess.” He shrugged in response. “Also fair. Long story short, I lived in back alley after hidey hole on repeat, too. Spent my whole life like that until I-my sis-we-I got enough money to buy myself-us-my own spot in a fancy school. Well…” 

 

She listened to his stutters, and indecisiveness on what was the right phrase, but didn’t comment. Especially since he didn’t seem like he realized how he said it.

 

“Well, okay, it was more like I bought some spell books and a training sword. I practiced with them until I aced the entry exams to a fancy school, that I also aced until I made it into a fancy program. Don’t stop til you hit the top, y’know?”

 

Taako sighed softly, taking another test sip. There was a nostalgic look in his eyes, and perhaps it wasn’t entirely fondness so much as remembrance.

 

“I didn’t. I hit the stars, kiddo, and I  _ kept going. _ ”

 

She knew he meant it literally. 

He watched her get a look in her eyes, before she avoided his and looked into her mug, hands tightening almost imperceptibly.

 

Istus, did she look…

 

“Hey. Kid…” When she raised her head, but didn’t look at him, he started over.

 

“Talla.” At the sound of her name, she raised her eyes to meet his.

 

“What do you want? Something kept you going. What was it?”

 

Talla swallowed. She opened her mouth to respond, but he cut her off. He was sitting up straighter, serious but not...intimidating. He gently stirred the melting marshmallows into his drink for a moment, before giving her his full attention.

 

“Not just wanting to survive. What made you want to live? What tomorrow did you want to get to?”

 

She looked at him, more guarded than she had been for the past few hours she’d been here. 

 

He wasn’t afraid to look back.

 

His eyes were older than they seemed. The scars on his body were superficial in his opinion. But the razor sharp wit, the steel in his gaze, how he searched...They were all learned from harsh realities.

 

The walls he saw in hers, began to drop as she recognized herself in him.

 

“I want to understand. I’ve lived in the woods, or behind shitty inns on the edge of them. I just...I see the forest and I know it’s talking but I can’t  _ understand what it’s saying. _ ” She let out in one breath, her eyes determined.

 

And something in Taako melted, because Istus, those eyes were just like his.

 

Something in him started to click into place. 

 

He grinned, and he got an idea, and his grin was wide and his canines bared more than they would be, but Talla began to smile back, it was so infectious.

 

“I’m going to teach you.”

She sat up straight, eyes wide, and her grin growing like his. Some people said elves looked disturbing when they gave their full smiles. The way their canines were sharper than a humans, the glint of reflected light off their iris. Taako was no exception, but funnily enough, neither was Talla.

 

“I don’t know how much I can teach you personally, but listen. My school has been branching out lately, pun aside, and a course on druidic magic is  _ perfect _ . Talla, what you want…”

 

Her breath caught in her throat.

 

“You can do it. I  _ know _ you can.”

 

* * *

 

Talla curled up, snug in the nest of blankets and pillows he had made in the corner of his living room, by the sliding glass door.

 

He knew she’d feel safe with an easy exit, one that she could watch. That if she slept on the couch she’d end up there anyways, that if she even attempted to sleep in a guest room she’d get nightmares.

 

He finished piling up pillows around the sleeping half-elf, and paused. In human terms, she was around fourteen. She’d have missed a lot of schooling, and he knew it was rocky with Ren. Not because she was doing anything wrong, she was just so busy, hence the reason Taako was watching Talla in the first place. The kid might’ve had insomnia, Taako thought privately, and decided he’d check in with Ren to get that followed up on. 

 

It was going to become a problem, though. Ren’s schedule was just so jammed tight, she had to constantly switch off Talla between the birds that were available. Taako volunteered most of the time, and was the default when something came up that a bird needed to take. If she wanted to enroll, tha meant she’d need to be home when Ren had to stay after just about every day, considering Ren practically lived at the school.

 

He blinked.

 

And Taako grinned.

 

“Duh. Of fucking  _ course. _ ”

 

He didn’t notice his husband on the stairs, with a hand to his mouth as the elf pulled out his stone of farspeech, walking into the storeroom off the kitchen to keep the call quiet enough to not disturb Talla.

 

Nor did Kravitz hear him excitedly whispering to Ren his newest plan, newest addition to the school.

 

All Kravitz heard was his own shaky sigh of relief as seeing Taako not only look alive...Not only smile...But  _ grin. _ And rush around in  _ excitement. _

 

He made his own call, this one to Lup. She laughed in relief, instead of a shaky sigh. He could hear her grin in her voice. It was bright, and brilliant, but it wasn’t Taako’s grin.

 

He didn’t  _ miss it _ like he missed Taako’s grin.

 

Lup always had a fire in her eyes, and right then, he saw the coals in Taako’s ignite.

 

Kravitz and Lup were relieved. Taako was inspired.

 

Talla felt safe, and slept soundly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fixed a spelling error on 5/4/19


End file.
